We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
