Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
