Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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