u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
