you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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