Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
