I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
