lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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