i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
