I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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