where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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