if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
