i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
