somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
