Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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