Soap is not a condiment
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
