trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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