Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
wow bdsm is so cute
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dear god my vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
