I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
