He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
