yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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