dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she was so not down for the gang bang
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
