Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
be right there i have to get my cape
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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