dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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