Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
