I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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