U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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