so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
