Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
