i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
