Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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