I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
