So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
