so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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