I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
