I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Randomize
