I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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