Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize