id be glad to
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
