oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize