I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
