i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
