life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize