his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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