I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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