felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
