come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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