Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
