life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
