he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
