it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
