oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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