HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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