Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
false alarm, still single
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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