the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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