Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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