just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
