can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
