Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
